posted by jm at 11:52 PM
Friday, July 06, 2007
About Me
- Name: jm
I am a brilliant creation of the universe formed from the cosmic protoplasm sailing into eternity. I have two hands, two feet, a couple of great ears, and I'm clipping through life at a moderate pace; minding my p*s and q*s, crossing my t*s, dotting every i.
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32 Comments:
Okay so I'm chatting a lot, and there is nothing other-worldly about this story. The woman I'm training to take my place slapped my hand today. Yes. It was a calm moment, we had a huge old printout in front of us, ready for me to explain the codes, and when I reached my hand to the sheet of paper she slapped it. LOL I didn't say a word, withdrew my hand, she fumbled around with a pen, starting writing on the paper, then finally asked me what should she do? So I extended my arm in the exact same way to point to the code where she needed to start. Now, Aries hasn't been around, so I can't blame her. I thought I'd been doing a good job of training, with a lot of communication from her as to how she best learns, etc. A mix of explanation, hands-on, humor and breaks. Then the hand slap. ?!
I spent as much time as I could the rest of the day with the stray cat. Hysterical. I'll probably delete this story later. ;-)
no leave the story, sige.
It is reflective of the energies currently afoot.
We are feeling the push-pull, some of us more than others. You did well, responding instead of reacting.
Perhaps this is where our disengagement from the "norms of society" help us. Floating in our world of words and colour and images and animals we enter into situations such as the one you described better able to respond.
I am so slow, energies afoot of course! A conjunction occuring I'm not aware of, no doubt.
Something is fading, that is what I'm feeling, but I don't know what it is that's fading.
any ideas?
tseka, 10:30 pm, sooo far past my appointment with the land of nod. Must be consciousness that's fading. @;-)
I am curious about the ebb and flow energies, what is going on out there?
I so want to disengage completely tomorrow, but alas, errands to run, jbk coming home, laundry, groceries, bills, visiting his family (mother home two months after breaking both of her legs!).
Just time for short journeys. Maybe tomorrow morning.
what's new? what's happening? how is your brother?
Not an astrologer, but here's one guess, Saturn and Neptune just finished their opposition and are passing away from each other.
But in general we can look at other influences, midsummer we see people react from too much sunlight. You've likely heard of SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, people get depressed in winter from too little sunlight.
In summer too much sunlight affects sensitive people causing irritability and mania. We react, then cool down, collect ourselves as your replacement did.
oh, yes, the opposite of SAD. I'd completely forgotten. We've had so much rain, so much green, growth, weeds, corn, tall as they normally are at the end of July, now sun, sun, broiling sun. Reflection.
I'd forgotten all about the mania that can come. Selfishly all I can think is, "Can I stand three more weeks of this?" as the training time as been extended. I just want to get on with the move.
Maybe there'll be another cat that needs our work family. We seem to be attracting them.
Same kinds of things for me.
A lot of it is the Cancer. People aren't at their most mature and feelings are getting hurt all over the place. Mercury retro there too.
You know Mercury retrograde, sige..:)
Venus in Leo is making people express, not all of it good.
The worst is for you, dear sige with your Moon and SN in Cancer. You're getting emotionally beaten, moving and all. I'll look at the chart, as promised. Over the weekend.
Probably the best thing to do is hide out some and nurse the wounds. And talk about it. Third house of communication, your Cancer planets. You can do that here.
You're right tseka. the Sat-Nep opposition is on her Pluto in Leo in the 4th.
Saturn in the 4th is down time for a couple of years but it won't stay this bad. After the move is over and adjustment comes, things will improve a lot. This is a weighty move. We can talk about it as you go.
I hate moving. I could cry just thinking about it. I get sick every time. If I possessed nothing, like I used to, I wouldn't mind so much but dragging my crap around town, even, is awful.
It takes me about 5 years or so to get comfortable in my Cancer way, and 20 to really get there.
This could be a long term move, so whatever pain is involved is worth it, to get a solid permanent base. That's what the Saturn to the Pluto in the 4th is saying. Ballast for you. But it comes at a price. And you will be asked to leave the nest and circulate in your new town. Later. Get settled first. And give it time. There's an unusual depth to this particular experience. It just plain hurts. But you know what to do.
You think getting slapped is bad. I did worse. I slapped a friend of mine a couple of months ago and I still feel guilty. Very lightly, though. Just a tap. He's a Capricorn, however, and he said he enjoyed it.
Perhaps this is where our disengagement from the "norms of society" help us. Floating in our world of words and colour and images and animals we enter into situations such as the one you described better able to respond.
So good that we have one another to reinforce this.
Here're some interesting things sige.
Your Mars in the 12th house is good inner defense but not always outer. You can get creamed, but you can always retreat and find your strength again. The rage can't always get out quite successfully. Writing helps. Sometimes you just want to give up, and probably that's a good idea.
This Mars just got hit by Saturn and that's why the act of aggression. The slap. To encourage retreat. Tseka said it well. You did right by not reacting. Mars is coming back to this point in your 12th soon and you will probably want to seek refuge even MORE than usual. Could be in the new home. In a couple of months a new cycle of strength and defense will be starting. You'll be ready. It's OK in your life not to fight overtly. The Moon in Cancer is so ultra sensitive. She absorbs a lot of surrounding pain. Easily overwhelmed. Most people don't get it. You need quiet and protection for renewal and always will. To nurse the wounds in privacy. Lots of old wounds from the past, that can eventually be walked away from. Now is a good time, actually. Some old wounds can never be fully healed.
The bigger phase is the 2+ years of Saturn in your 4th. I had this recently and I stayed in the house and got a lot done, although it was heavy and sad. It was all right. I understood.
You might like this place you're moving to, even though it could be less than lighthearted at first, while some hurts heal. It's a chance for achievement. It could feel like a burden at times but you also could feel secure. A solid foundation. I think you'll want to be at home a lot the next couple of years, although activity is going on in your public sector, so interesting opportunities might pop up. As this proceeds through the 2 years, the Saturn will oppose your Mercury -- your writing. This is a great opportunity to write. Probably some of your best work yet.
Finding good work is an ongoing struggle, but that will come. Maybe even next spring and the rest of '08. A couple of good opportunities then.
So it looks like creating the nest then getting to work are ahead. At the end of the summer when Saturn goes into Virgo, it will start to fall into place. After the two years, you'll probably start reaching out again fully, with the home base intact, although as I said, keep your antennae perked for surprises out there if they come.
Are you good at creating a cozy home? I am, with my Cancer planets. Maybe you can post some before and after pictures. I do love creating a home. Just not moving..:-)
Let's get through this part with all its attendant agony and then relax. You won't have to move again for awhile, hopefully.
The Aries will kick in later when you and the world need her. It's ahead. You could use a break. You're right to retreat now with no justification needed.
One ongoing thing is good relationships that support your talent. Mature ones that help you realize your ambitions. I think you already have these, and they are your best asset.
so much here, and i'm so easily overwhelmed. @;-)
i love creating a home and with all the moving around, have had many opportunities to do so. hadn't thought about posting pictures, but maybe that will be possible?
so looking forward to this move. all the information you've shared, jm, has fueled the enthusiam.
writing will be the center, again, with this move. the prof and i have made an arrangement. he has hung in there with me for years, for this one story, and it is time. my office will be small, but with one large window overlooking the living room and one window to the outside. some of my books will be there, but mostly just material for this one story. (there is plenty of material!) i will send him pieces, like quilt pieces, like tseska's paintings, and he is going to play with the arrangement. it will be a true collaboration. we have walked miles together to get to this point of trust.
{{{{jm}}}} {{{{tseka}}}} {{{{jazzrap}}}}
saw equanimity written at RU. omg, i'd forgotten that word, that intention. it straightened out my spine. @;-) this is exactly what is needed for the next two weeks of training, the quick visit to indiana to visit my siblings and their kids and their kids kids, then back for another week of training, and then the endless packing of boxes.
"Equanimity is the center of my being" is the mantra. :-)
Good mantra. :-)
"it straightened out my spine"
Heheheh. Watch out, chiropractors! The wordsmiths are on their way.
The spinal column is being written!!!
my office will be small, but with one large window overlooking the living room and one window to the outside.
This is good, kj. The introspection needed for writing with an eye out to the success that is yours in the world. Both are written in your chart.
Better believe it! The bones don't lie. :-)
I'll have to bone up to keep up..:-)
Hahaha!!! Me, too. We all do.
Eat our dust, amoebas.
ahhhhg! feel like i'm drowning, senses so completely overwhelmed. my trainee is so very loud, so very aggressive, already making customers angry. am trying to tell myself she probably doesn't doesn't have much emotional intelligence, but the Cancer in me doesn't care about logic, she just wants someone, anyone! to keep this woman away from her.
we also bought a car, necessary, but $$ draining away is also scaring Cancer.
lol! you see why i haven't been here, all i would have done is whine. @;-) ~~kj
Cancer needs to straighen her spine. :-)
in other words, i think the amoebas are winning. ~;-0 aiiiiiee
Kj. Spine straightening later! Planets are in Cancer now so it's the perfect time to whine. The amoebas will eat dust soon!
jm, i took your advice! :-) (well, not direct advice, but what i thought was your intent). decided to take care of myself and stayed home today.
up all night last night, headache, thoughts whirling, emotions all over the map. one of my sisters, the one i'll be staying with this next weekend, is angry, and playing silly games like not answering her phone, or answering and then hanging up (?!) because this is just the way she is when she is angry and feeling ignored by our other, oldest, sister. i long ago cut the family ties, but after a freak visit at a funeral, when we all seemed adult and filled with love for the children and grandchildren, we've made the decision to get together one in a while as a family. everyone at their top game, aware these times are brief and any one of us could pull out at any minute. so there's been none of this silliness for several years , until now. my brother is aware, because i told him "the girls" are back to basics, and he and i decided to just do our best to stay out of the sister drama and keep the waters smooth. but now i'm in the direct line of fire. again.
so, couldn't sleep. about 3:30-4:00 am it dawned on me that i had a headache and could call in and take today off.
the work situation with the trainee continues to deteriorate as she is aggressive now with customers, as well as to me, her erstwhile trainer. ;-)
we bought a used car. we are broke. i am seriously thinking about looking into becoming a real estate agent after the move. i like the idea of working on my own, instead stuck in an office somewhere day in and day out. sort of like when i did reporting and waitressing, my own extended flow, without so many people barriers. plus, i love homes. a friend who is a real estate agent told me to look into becoming a buyer's agent, work with people who are looking for a home and how to make a home they can afford work for them.
the idea is intriguing. it is obvious i will need to work now for another 10 years and will have to create the space around that to write, which is fine with me. i can do that.
hey, you said i could talk about this process. lol!
anyone? i'm open to advice and ideas and/or insight, observation.
~~kj
reading above posts, grateful for what has been offered.
have already made, what we both think is a possible friendship, with the real estate agent in the new town. she has offered to take me under her wing if i decide to follow that path. she is also in touch with the writing community (she is a caterer and has spent most of her summers in France with her ex-husband, who is from there, and also a chef). the funniest part has turned out to be her favorite yoga studio, which i discovered follows Kripalu yoga. i did Kripala yoga 25 years ago in Indiana, and spent time in the center when we lived in Massachusetts.
my old friend from Israel contacted me this week. we used to spend every Sunday together in her studio. she is fantastic, one of my favorite people on earth. we connected again, talked like it was yesterday and not ten years since we've laid eyes on one another, and re-created our partnership. she is a working mother, working artist, and expressive arts therapist. the year of 9/11, we traded our artist journals every week. no commenting on one another's work, but observation on how each other's thoughts entered into one another's flow. she was in the middle of collaborating a show with a man from Palestine. i was coming up from dreamland and joining the political world again.
so, re-reading above, it does seem to be falling into place.
leaving a supply of green and or white tea, with some fresh mango, for whoever drops by. even the amoebas. @;-) ~~kj
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Hello, kj. Nice to hear your update.
The real estate area sounds like it can be a good thing for you. You seem to have a special awareness of connection with the land, a sense of belonging and renewal, so homes might be a good fit.
You're describing your emotional environments of work and family, and your need for more creative environments, or perhaps a more creative relationship to environments. Helping other people find and form workable connections to new homes is an interesting approach.
It seems to me that you know what you're about. You know not to hassle too much over the tumult as things around you shift and find new places, and to make time for yourself. So, of course, all you have to do is follow your heart and its inner leanings, and you're there. :-)
The collaborative writing project sounds great.
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Kj!!!!! In the blue!
I love that name. You're back for good.
Aries will be back a little later. she's mobilizing.
"I did some research on selling real estate, and talked with my buddy the Prof and my oldest sister. ....Bringing in $$ to the household is necessary, and I'm always up for a new adventure, but need to think about balancing time and energy to leave something of substance for the project."
Well, you know, if you feel an attraction to that area then, I'd say, just see how it feels. :-) Maybe it won't be too hard, or maybe it will.
Light but grounded tai chi steps and all that. No overcommitments.
I find that it's good to take pauses to evaluate as one goes, in between the immersions. If the going gets sticky, one can always do something else. Very naturally, one thing can lead to another. If one keeps a firm overall intent, one can navigate through events that suit one's purposes in surprising ways.
"Love your expression/idea 'a more creative relationship to environments.' That opens up a world of thought!"
Yes, here's hoping you can use it to open up some new pathways for yourself, whatever they turn out to be.
I'd be curious about the stories that prospective home seekers have lived or are telling themselves. Or maybe I would imagine them. In a way, they may be asking as they search, "Does this house fit my story?" It seems to me that connecting to a new home could be a very creative endeavor for them.
"So freeing to be able to muse here about this move."
I think that the writing will come as you make time for it, which is really making time for yourself. I think that you can find a way to do it no matter your other endeavors, and sometimes because of them. Maybe if the writing has priority, most other considerations will fit themselves around that.
Myself, I don't have a ideal time/space to be creative. But something creative tends to come through in the things that I do. The time doesn't have to be right, I don't have to feel right, it just becomes right as I move into it.
Maybe if the writing has priority, most other considerations will fit themselves around that.
Agree.
Or what i found with my art.
You could journal as a blog not thinking about who comes.
I do not know how blogger works but i believe that work under your name is under copywrite protected.
Real Estate, some friends of mine did this a couple of years ago following the trends in homebuying. They invested a lot and ended up doing other work. Regretting the cost and time to learn. Slow steps might be best in this area since home buying is sluggish.
As Kad suggests, you seem to have a natural ability to flow with changes a huge asset.
I only wish to offer my hopes for you, that you find what fulfills you and fulfills the material needs. The creative life can be difficult in terms of steady income. I can attest to that, however, i have learned to trust.
I take words from Jazzrap regulars to heart, as I do very few others.
Black licorice as offering. @;-)
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